How To See Angels


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magical realism, fog and sun, imaginative fiction, contemporary fantasy, Italo Calvino, Ray Bradbury, Ursula K. Le Guin, Neil Gaiman, speculative fiction, metaphysical fiction, new fiction, new booksWhen I was recovering from an abusive childhood that opened my eyes to the spirit world, I was concerned that I might have to let go of my ability to see into these realms in order to move on with my life, because I had only had access to them in order to get the information and perspective I needed to survive. I had seen angels pulling me out of the path of speeding cars, and met them when I was healing from injuries and illnesses as they guided me forward.

As I asked my angels what to do, I had a vision of them leaning down from the clouds in the sky and reaching for me. “Oh no, we raised you here,” they said. “You can stay.” I can’t tell you how happy this made me, like realizing you don’t have to say goodbye to your family. Because they did raise me and they are my family, even though I wasn’t often aware of them as a child. And thank God I have now verified I’m not hallucinating or mentally ill. I’m putting those worries to rest. This is what happens to many people who have been out of body, and it happened to me. And it’s a gift, so I’m sharing it with you now.

How To See Angels

I write stories that help people heal and find the love behind the world I discovered on my journey to healing, and I also love to help people learn how to access these realms themselves, if they are learning to use their intuition. So today I want to talk about how I see angels. I think it might surprise you a little. It’s often something I see with my third eye or in my mind’s eye, not like a physical being standing in front of me in flesh and blood. It’s not quite what I expected, and it can be subtle, like using my imagination overlaid on reality but it takes on a life of its own.

  • You can often see angels with your third eye, or in your mind’s eye, by calming your mind and thinking, “if there were angels here, what would they be doing?” See what your mind shows you. Or you can ask your angels directly to reveal themselves to you or give you a sign that they’re there. They will often drop coins and feathers for you or lead you to the perfect song on the radio that speaks to your heart before you’re able to hear or see them directly.
  • If you’re new at this, maybe your thoughts will wander. Bring them back to a calm attention on the present moment and place where you are and gently try again. See if something happens that surprises you.
  • If you feel you are imagining an angel in front of you, try looking at it a little closer. Maybe the details of its dress won’t surprise you, but you will be surprised to notice s/he has particular facial features you didn’t expect. You’re right on track. Angels often appear to us in ways we can understand them, with wings for example, but we will notice maybe after the fact that they seemed like quite real beings and we only remember later just how unique and real they were.
  • If you feel joyful, excited, or encouraged and touched by something that happens or an idea or thought or word that pops into your mind, that is your angels talking to you clairaudiently or clairsentiently instead of with visuals. Don’t dismiss it just because it’s simple. It’s often profound, and angels are always encouraging and feel joyful or pure, even when delivering serious messages.
  • Try to let this experience unfold on its own without judging it for now, which will snap you out of a receptive state into analytical mode. Decide to give yourself time to explore and to judge this experience later and decide if you think it was real.
  • Nothing an angel of light ever does should give you a sick, fearful, creepy feeling. If this happens, remove yourself from the vision by closing your mental eyes to the picture, and cut any cords you may feel you have to engaging with beings of lower vibration. It may also help to set the intention ahead of time that you only want to meet your guardian angels. Your free will is respected in the spirit world just as it is in the physical world, and your angels will protect you from trouble.
  • Trust yourself. Everyone is intuitive, and the process of seeing angels can take years but it can also be straightforward, especially if you’ve already had some practice at this kind of process.

You might have had a few supernatural experiences of your own that you dismissed when they were subtle. I hope this helps you learn to perceive your own angels and not push them away as your imagination. I know you have them, because I have the odd problem of being able to see other people’s angels now too, so I often know things about people from my own psychic perception when I meet them on top of seeing what their angels think of them and do for them, and it adds all kinds of strange layers to meeting people on the street. Hilarity ensues. :P

I hope you enjoyed this brief article on how to see angels. Many blessings! There’s a lot to know about this topic, but you really can see your angels if you keep at this and keep looking for other ways to connect with them. Remember, angels are not on the other side of zoo glass. They can see you just fine at all times. So if you do see your angels, ask them questions, ask them what their names are, and don’t forget to have fun. Angels have a great sense of humor. :)





To Experience Wholeness, We Have To See Brokenness


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Laura K. CowanMany of you know that I survived and repressed well over a dozen traumas and near-death experiences. I grew up for twenty years in chronic pain of all kinds looking for an explanation for how much danger I always seemed to be in, despite being told I imagined it. This childhood rocketed me into out-of-body experiences and altered states of consciousness, where I started seeing angels save my life and having dreams of the future and visions of heaven. I grew up with one foot in heaven, essentially, because I was in too much pain to stay in my body and was being brainwashed to believe I made it all up and that I was the crazy one.

The process of healing this kind of trauma is long and so difficult I couldn’t begin to explain, and it tends to suck me back into the chaos when I get into the details, so as I emerge from the recovery process I have been trying to find ways to focus instead on what opportunities this beginning offers me for the rest of my life. I am focusing on what I can offer the world that creates a portal to the amazing experiences I’ve had of seeing into spiritual reality, to help others find healing through the connections I’ve found with the Divine, with nature, and with other people and animals. Because connectedness and that feeling of wholeness you get when you touch the hand of God, or are told you are loved beyond measure by another human being, or are accepted despite your flaws, is the healing our hearts all need. It’s what we’re all looking for, and there’s good reason for that.

I now feel myself skimming quietly along the bottom of the ocean of the emotions and addictions I’ve been through–codependency, Stockholm Syndrome, PTSD, chronic illnesses and endless fear and anxiety. You simply wouldn’t believe the nightmares that have plagued me my entire life. Until now. Now it’s all different. I feel almost as if I’ve died. Everything is so calm and full of joy. My life is blooming in a way I never dreamed it could. I understand how everything is connected, and how even this childhood is a gift, allowing me to help others and find happiness myself at a much younger age than most people. In a sense, my soul was relentless in its pursuit of the truth, and I found it. I’m free, and I’ll never be lost or alone again, having experienced the abundant support of the world around me.

Lake Michigan, Petoskey, Music of Sacred Lakes, Odawa, nature writing, spiritual fiction, speculative supernatural, Thornton Wilder, Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ernest Hemingway, Robert Frost, Nick Adams Stories

If you ever want me to really gush, ask me how I feel about the healing powers of Lake Michigan. :)

I saw a video of Christina Perri’s “A Thousand Years” today, the song that was playing when I felt safe for the first moment in my life a few years ago, when I finally got rid of the PTSD and hyper-vigilance that kept me alive as a kid. And looking over the ocean in the video, I could see the power animals from shamanic reality that have guided me to healing truths, the angels who accompany me everywhere (don’t worry: I have thoroughly investigated the possibility I’m mentally ill or hallucinating. I’m not.). I could see for the first time the beauty that lies at the heart of my abusers, even though their lives are a ruin. There is beauty at the core of everything, and in that discovery we find true healing and peace. I’ve found wholeness. I think that’s what I’ve been exploring and trying to share with you through my stories. Connection. Healing. Love.

I think that in order to experience wholeness with God or the universe, we first have to see the brokenness in ourselves and the people around us, and discover that it isn’t the final word. Duality, the ability to say “this is me, and this is my arm, and that is a deer, all separate from me the observer,” is necessary for our consciousness to observe anything about the world and to experience the nature of God, or the energy life force behind the world. And unity is essential to reality as well, for holding it all together, the tug we feel that says it’s essential that we understand we are part of a bigger whole that hangs together somehow, that we belong, that we are loved and accepted and have a home. It is the energy beneath matter, the object of superstring theory and m field theory, the connectedness religious and artistic mystics have tried to illustrate for humanity for millennia.

Both duality and unity are necessary for us to perceive connectedness and harmony in the world.

My childhood gave me a crash course in disconnectedness–what happens when people feel they aren’t loved, don’t deserve to exist, run from shame, and don’t believe love is real. The effects of that are real and devastating; don’t think I’m discounting that for a second. It was people who didn’t want to face what happened to me or what they did to me who said it wasn’t real or didn’t matter, or that I made it all up. Disconnectedness is real. It’s a choice inherent in our free will, our ability to choose love or not. Without choice, love doesn’t exist either. Disconnectedness almost killed me or drove me out of my mind with confusion about what was real. But connectedness is also real. Unity and love are also real, and I believe it is the much deeper truth, served by disconnectedness and fear the way the devil serves God, pointing people away from what they don’t want toward what they do.

One of the desires of my heart: my stunningly beautiful back yard.

One of the places I found healing: my stunningly beautiful back yard.

My childhood pointed me away from disconnectedness and straight to the heart of God, whoever s/he turns out to be. It’s an adventure. It’s a love story. It’s an endless rabbit hole I keep falling down, as I dare a little bit more to open myself up. Daring is not easy for me, having been raised by a narcissistic sociopath psychopath borderline who forced me to open myself up mentally and emotionally and then sucker punched me at every opportunity and told me it never happened. I know it’s not easy for you either. Some of you have been through even worse, and even the little wounds bite deep. But you can dare, even when you’re scared. Keep trying, loves. Just take one more step in the right direction, toward love, today. No matter what, hang on to your ability to love. It’s the key to everything. In the end, love is all there is at the bottom of everything, and it will save you. I can’t explain, I can’t argue for it with logical words, because words don’t suffice, but I can tell you stories about what I’ve found, and invite you along on this adventure with me. I’m so so excited for you and what you’re going to find for your sore heart. It’s beauty all the way down, even through the darkness. Please come with me. I have someone you really have to meet, on the other side of all this.

Magical Realism: How Much Is Realism?


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Music of Sacred Lakes Book Cover, free books, free, discount books, literary, supernatural, spiritual, magical realism, ghost storyMagical realism: the books in which anything can be real. Flower petals miraculously falling from the sky, never-ending psychic bloodlines, rose gardens that spit up children’s bones. It’s easy to see why this magical genre is such a favorite among people who discover it, because anything can happen. It’s adventure not only forwards but sideways and slantways, as Willy Wonka would say. I discovered magical realism through the traditional writers like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Jorge Luis Borges, but I stayed to devour the entire genre because… well because I’ve seen some weird things in my life and I want to know what other writers think is possible. If you’ve already found the magic of magical realism, I think you’ll agree. Because the little secret about magical realism, and writers in general, is that even though we can believe six impossible things before breakfast, often we secretly believe that whatever is happening in our stories really could happen somewhere, sometime. That’s inspiring to me, that other people can show me the crack in the universe to walk through to find Wonderland, you know? Even if it’s just a little piece of our hearts that holds out for that dreamy reality, it’s there. Another rabbit hole to drop down. For my post in this week’s Magical Realism Books Blog Hop, I’m going to tell you a few things that I’ve actually seen, that led me to a sort of magical realist worldview. And then you might understand why I write about houses that haunt their families with voices of their children from many different ages in the past, trees that act as portals to shamanic reality, and angels and demons who fight over the destinies of churches. Because I’ve seen it, and I want to show you a little crack in the universe that I found.

I’ve written on this blog and my Facebook page before about my experiences growing up dissociated, or partly out of my body, because of the trauma of nearly dying over a dozen times as a child. Among people who grow up like this, it is common to hear these stories. I can’t tell you how to interpret them for yourself, because reality seems to be so ineffable that everyone perceives things through their own worldview lens… but enough stalling. Here goes.

blog hop 2015 datesAfter years of seeing angels and demons fighting over whether I would live or die through accidents and illnesses and being physically attacked growing up, I finally sorted through why this had all happened to me and what was wrong and started recovering repressed memories for healing. This helped explain why I felt a constant anxiety about my safety and had never known why, and a very good healer helped me this way: she told me that in order to have space to move around in the world without constantly feeling like I had to keep myself safe at the level of my skin (as if danger were always right next to me), one thing I could do was to ask archangels to come and hold space for me so I could breathe a little easier and they could keep me safe. That would have sounded nuts to me, except I had already had archangel Raphael come to me and heal me of terrible migraines when someone prayed for me a decade previous, and the healing was instantaneous, permanent, and other people present for the prayer saw angels too, to confirm what I was feeling–like silver light was pouring through my head and down my back, healing everything.

I had already felt some invisible force prevent me from turning my head to check traffic when I was out on my own taking public transport at the age of nine across bad neighborhoods with only my siblings to supervise, and then saw angels rush in to stop a car that came within an inch of hitting me.

I had already seen demons walking through the house I grew up in, and heard them screaming at me that they had a right to be in a very dark building in Chicago that was kitty corner to my hotel where I stayed on vacation when I was twelve, where I saw a ghost in the closet–a little boy who had been locked in there somehow and cried all night long, scaring the hell out of me that I was left all alone to deal with this supernatural reality without adults who could understand.

So, what the heck, right? I had also already verified that I am not mentally unstable and was not hallucinating, thank God. Some people, particularly people who grow up dissociated because their bodies are too painful to live in, also commonly see these things, probably because they are living in a slightly different dimension of reality. Kind of like having one foot in heaven, asking for the check a little early. So it’s for this same reason that I was struggling as a writer who studies the symbolism of mythology and deities and such with the idea that angels might just be concepts. Because archangel Haniel is sort of the same as the goddess Hecate in association with intuition and the moon. So what if the archangels Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael, commonly invoked to help with issues that are thematically associated with protection, messages from God, and healing, are just energies or concepts like many deities in eastern cultures seem to be sometimes? Engaging with a particular dynamic in the world?

Well, because I’m psychic, having grown up with an intuition developed like an athlete’s muscle from needing to constantly be on guard against the subtlest sign of danger. So when I called in these archangels and actually perceived in my mind’s eye that they showed up, I was distracted from the healing we were proceeding with when Raphael laughed at me from his position in the corner by the door.

“You should know I’m more than a concept,” he said. “I’ve already healed you once.”


Sonata & Fugue, psychological murder mystery, Laura K. Cowan, imaginative fiction


True, Raphael, that’s true. :) Maybe I write because I still can’t tell what’s real and what’s my mind trying to make sense of the world, after so many of these crazy experiences that were helpful to navigating my childhood but no less strange than the situations that precipitated them. But maybe it’s a crack in the universe, guys. Maybe it’s personified not just because I need it to be to understand it, but because there is a personified intelligence behind the universe, even if it doesn’t consist of an old guy in a bathrobe. Every time I peel back the layers I find the energy underlying matter, and the light flowing out from behind reality, but from within that light I hear a voice, and I see a face, and there is so much love and so much beauty that I couldn’t possibly describe it to you. That’s why I write what I do, and that’s the story from most anyone who has had a near-death experience, it seems. Whatever this world is made of, there’s no doubt in my mind it’s pure magic, and the more cracks we find, the more rabbit holes we drop down, the more overwhelmed with joy we will all be.

Pick up a magical realist book today, and walk through another crack. You never know where you’ll end up, but if my hundreds of experiences of this kind and those of other writers and explorers are any indication, you’ll end up somewhere better than where you are now. Adventure is calling you. Have fun, lovelies. :) Many blessings on your adventures. Tell me what you see when you get back.

This post is part of the Magic Realism Blog Hop. About twenty blogs are taking part in the hop. Over three days (29th – 31st July 2015) these blogs will be posting about magic realism. Please take the time to click on the button below to visit them and remember that links to the new posts will be added over the three days, so do come back to read more.

Visions of Heaven: How Death Opened My Intuition


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teddy bear, child abuse, visions of heavenThis is Pooky, my childhood teddy bear I gave to my daughter (she took this photo recently). I would have gotten rid of him–he’s soaked with dried tears from a very hard set of years when I felt very alone as a kid–but I kept him because just like my pet guinea pig Peanut growing up, he was there for me during the hardest years of my life, and even though he’s stuffed with cotton he was one of the “people” who got me through to adulthood. Does that sound overly dramatic or pathetic? Probably. And in this case I should make it clear that I don’t actually mean my teddy bear had a consciousness, since that is the sort of thing I would say. :) But I almost died over a dozen times as a child in “accidents” I was led to believe were my imagination, I was suicidal at twelve from intense bullying at home and school, and I was gaslighted and brainwashed to believe I didn’t deserve any better everywhere I went or that I had made it all up, even when my brother tried to kill me and my parents punished me for it and went right back to encouraging him to bully me, making it very clear that I was not safe at home and couldn’t get away without escalating backlash. Lots of mental illness and dysfunction there that would take a long time to explain. But…. This is all just an intro to bring you into the life I was living beneath the middle class American exterior, keeping myself safe by being ready to grab the wheel when my dad kept driving me off the road having seizures and my mom kept refusing to take me to the doctor when I was sick or injured in sometimes serious ways and taught me to hate myself and wouldn’t let any of us kids eat anything with fat content. Weird stuff, and dangerous. And I was told it was all in my head.

Around this time was when my grandmother died, and I had my first experience of opening my intuition. I had a vision of heaven. I was sad when she died, because she was my only grandparent who didn’t have a lot of issues such as bipolar narcissism (didn’t know what to call it then but it was dicey on my mom’s side with grandpa running around doing crazy things, particularly after my grandma was gone and couldn’t keep his illness under wraps), and severe anxiety and PTSD on my dad’s side from my paternal grandparents’ own traumatized histories. My grandmother was kind to me, and peaceful. Maybe she turned my mother into a sociopath with her counterbalance of unquestioning encouragement highlighted against the backdrop of my grandpa’s illness and abuses, but she was the pillar of strength for herself and our family during her own illness, writing poetry and making peace with her death in our full view. She had cancer for 7 years since I was a toddler, so her death wasn’t a surprise, but for me it was the end of things feeling like they were under somebody’s control around me. I was confused by my inability to cry at her funeral, so when we came home, I tried to think of where she was in heaven, and tried to connect with my grief somehow.

I imagined heaven as angels and God sitting on clouds, a typical idea for a kid who grew up right wing Christian (that’s its own story). I imagined God must be on his throne up there, and put him on a white stone seat in my mind, in the center of everything. And, as happens with intuition and visions, that’s when it suddenly came alive in my mind, and got away from me. Suddenly the angels were real and moving around, and the presence of God overwhelmed me, and I started to cry. I knew my grandmother was okay, and I was suddenly very aware of a new reality beyond my own that was intense and vivid. It’s hard to describe the emotional intensity of the heavenly realms. I’ve felt it many times since and it changes me every time. I know it was real. The purity and power and emotion of these places is incredible, and if you ever have an experience like I did, you will not forget it. For me, an experience like this one that came several years later anchored my sense of reality through psychological torture and brainwashing so I could survive mentally when being taught that I couldn’t trust my own feelings or perceptions of reality, in order to keep me immobilized so I could be further abused. These things are not spiritual tourism. They give people the experiences and information they need to get through their lives. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, or more special. I think that I was given exactly what I needed to answer the questions my life put to me. What is reality? Who is God if he exists, and is he love as I was taught on the surface or a psychopath tyrant to be appeased as I was shown through people’s behavior? Who am I and why do I suffer? Am I safe?

This vision was third-eye seeing inside my mind, and my mind used pictures or symbols that helped me translate an experience of direct revelation, but it was no less real for that. I didn’t hallucinate. I have verified since then that I am not mentally ill and am not hallucinating these experiences I now often have of seeing into other realms. They call psychic abilities the silver lining of trauma. That has certainly been true of my life. When you grow up walking on eggshells to read a room for signs of troubling emotions in the people around you to keep yourself safe, you work your intuition and become very highly tuned to the subtle signals around you. You become a human radio antenna, basically, and pick up on all different kinds of subtle energies going on around you. This is a common story among psychics, empaths, and other intuitives. Terrible danger or abuse in childhood leads to incredible sensitivity to the spiritual and “other” dimensions of the world.

I told you on my Youtube channel this summer might be tough for videos but I would start telling you some of the stories of experiences that led me to where I am today. This story is a simple one, I guess, but it’s the beginning. It’s how this all started for me. It wasn’t long before I was seeing angels, demons, and ghosts, and was intimately aware of the feelings and thoughts of people around me. I started dreaming of the future accurately, another gift that seems to appear in children who need every bit of information they can get their hands on to keep themselves safe. I dreamed terrible nightmares year after year of demons and monsters chasing me, of psychopath clowns killing themselves and framing me for it (a complex image of my relationship with my mother), which was my subconscious giving me the information I couldn’t afford to be consciously aware of, because I was keeping myself from knowing what was happening to me so that I didn’t fight back and get myself killed. It’s very strange to realize as an adult that your entire miserable childhood you were keeping yourself safe by repressing things, especially when you were desperately sick and injured on a regular basis and driven to search for answers. But, hindsight is clearer, right? It all makes sense now, it’s just a difficult picture. It has a happy ending, though. I promise, if you are living a story like this one, or this resonates with you, there is order to this misery. There is a way out, and there are answers to your questions. Sometimes it takes a while, that’s all. Keep on going.

I’ll be back with more highlights from my healing journey soon, as time allows this summer. Blessings.



Suffering & Rest


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Suffering and Rest, It's Good To Be On Earth, Visions in Love and Rest, Laura K. Cowan, magical realism, spiritual fiction, shamanic storytelling, metaphysical fiction, fantasyGood morning, guys. I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been… well, finishing up some books before summer vaca, vlogging on Youtube about my journey opening my intuition, and outmaneuvering my abusive mother stalking me when I finally walked away. So far so good. Anyway, this book I’ve got free on Kindle for a few days (out in paperback too in a couple weeks) is the seventh I’ve published and the last of the “yikes my childhood was terrifying and here’s the way through” books, where I offer what I’ve learned about how to hold on to love. I hope it blesses you.

Suffering & Rest is two stories about people deciding if they want to live or die, one who has lost everything and goes to a shaman, who instead of placating him with proverbs starts telling him strange stories about ghosts who play drinking games and the suffering of grass. The second story is about a young girl who wakes up in a garden and has to decide if she’s in a room in heaven or has been kidnapped by a psychopath. But then the flowers dust off a place for her to sit down and she wakes up drowning in the fountain and knows she needs to find answers and make a choice. I hope you enjoy these stories. Next up something a little lighter, I promise. :) <3 Blessings.

Get Suffering & Rest for FREE on Kindle.

Sonata & Fugue: And The Rose Garden Is Spitting Up Children’s Bones


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Sonata & Fugue, psychological murder mystery, Laura K. Cowan, imaginative fiction

I’ve got a really fun book coming out this week, and here’s a secret: you can pick it up on Amazon already! I just have to do a Goodreads giveaway and a few launch activities this week before its official release date April 15th. If you want to pick up a copy, the links are below, and it will be free on Kindle for a few days this week as well. I hope you like it! It’s by far the most adventurous book I’ve written so far, kind of what you would get if you put Alice Hoffman, John Crowley, and Gillian Flynn in a room and made them rewrite Agatha Christie’s cozy mysteries, I guess. :) Details below.

Sonata & Fugue [Available in Paperback and E-book]

A famous pianist disappears, leaving behind a bloody suicide note. Her therapist visits the family under the guise of grief counselor, but his motivations are ambiguous. Soon he finds himself helping investigate the family for not just one murder but two, three, four…. This is a family with secrets, which begin to spill out the edges when a prodigy’s dreams come back to haunt everyone she once loved, who didn’t love her very well in return. But nothing is quite as it seems in this fairytale cozy mystery set in modern L.A. The house begins to torture the family of pretend elites with voices from the past, the golf course is accused of eating the paparazzi, and the rose garden seems to be spitting up children’s bones. What has happened to the family Scoville? No one is helping poor Mr. John Thibodeau find the truth, not even the lovely late Kate Scoville herself, if she even knew which reality was real.

With this, her first mystery novel, Dreaming Novelist Laura K. Cowan is back bringing her unique inter-dimensional, magical realist twist to the classic cozy mystery. In part a bit like Alice Hoffman’s The Red Garden, a touch like a classic Agatha Christie Poirot mystery, but still completely standing on its own, Sonata & Fugue is a rabbit hole sucking you down into a musical world of intrigue, mental illness, and betrayal, all with Laura K. Cowan’s signature imaginative touch. This book will remind you of all your favorite hauntings, and yet you’ve never read a ghost story quite like this.

Healing Path Oracle: Gentle Healing & Accessing Heavenly Realms

Hi guys! I have been doing my new Healing Path Oracle for a few weeks now, combining storytelling and intuitive readings to encourage people on their healing path. I wanted to share this week’s videos with you, because they are about how to talk to God and connect with Divine love and access heavenly realms, how I learned to use my intuition, and how healing can be a gentle unfolding instead of more forced receptivity. Here are the two videos I split in two. I’ll see you back here soon! I just started writing a new book and have several in process of publishing soon, so I’ll be back with more news about that over the next few months. Thanks for your support!



Coming Out Psychic


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The Little Seer, authors who look like their books, blog tour, supernatural fiction, speculative fiction, spiritual fiction, Christian suspenseHave you ever felt like all of you wasn’t welcome or accepted? I think we all have, sometimes in big ways, and it’s painful, isn’t it? Where do you go from there? It sucks the breath right out of you. I know that every time I release a new book, someone emails me and tells me my story helped them find themselves, or it changed their life. I love it that I get to serve as a spiritual support for other people’s journeys toward finding the Divine and themselves, helping people find what they’re looking for on their life path. I love pumping a little oxygen back into the room for other people on their journey. A little breathing space to allow them to be themselves while they’re still figuring out what that means for them.

I know who I am now, thanks to some special people giving me some breathing room, but this journey to accept that has been a hard one. Ever since I was a little girl, I have seen visions of heaven and angels and demons, had dreams that literally or symbolically told the future, and have for that reason always held a fascination for spirituality, the supernatural, dream symbolism, and extra-sensory abilities. I have journals full of dreams and visions and spiritual experiences I was seeking to understand. I felt at the age of nine that I had a clear choice. I could use my abilities to control and manipulate people and to access power through realms of darkness, which is what I was taught by Christian mentors that psychic readers did, or I could use my abilities for good, to help and encourage people and help them heal. I remember choosing to use my abilities for good. But at the time, I didn’t realize that there was very little difference sometimes between being a psychic, and being prophetic in a Christian context, because I misunderstood the source of information and power for psychics’ abilities. Which isn’t to say that there aren’t people out there embroiled in dark spiritual practices or those who are complete hucksters, but I thought psychic readings were devil-powered, whether the psychic was aware of that or not. And that belief held me back from exploring my own abilities for a long time, stuck in fear, only exploring Christian realms of prophecy and hands-on healing prayer–though that was a very meaningful foundation for my understanding of myself and the supernatural world.

Indulge me for a minute. I know that most people I have met these days are well ahead of me on the path of understanding just how fine and right many spiritual realities are and how they align with scientific fact, but that is not where I came from, so please be patient with me as I lay out how this worked out for me. Unfortunately, I’ve had to leave most relationships behind with people who misunderstood these things in innocent ignorance, not because we disagreed so much (though that’s exhausting being surrounded by people who quietly misunderstand you!) but because they didn’t know how to be respectful in relationships and were too afraid to give me the space to be myself. These days I won’t even allow myself to get embroiled in these discussions anymore for the most part, because it’s draining and pointless, but it was a logical and hard-won progression of learning that led me here, and to be honest I earned the shit out of this spiritual growth, and this is my story. So here goes.

The Bible says that the gift of prophecy is to be sought above all other spiritual gifts, because it can be used to edify and build up the Church. Meaning that this is a gift that helps people find God and learn how much He loves them. Christians in the West often automatically align with a theology called God of the Gaps, an old belief in the Church that basically says that if you can’t explain how something happened through science or your current understanding of the world, God must have intervened in a miracle outside the laws of nature (which I don’t believe anyway because it always seemed to me that God would have to be pretty inadequate as a Deity to have to violate his own rules in order to do something special and meaningful–I always suspected that God probably had Rules for the universe’s workings that we didn’t understand, and was operating according to His own completely wonderful amazing natural plan). This was God of the Gaps. But then by default, something else crept in, that people now call Demons of the Gaps theology. This is the idea that if God didn’t do something, and the angels didn’t do it, the only other sentient beings mentioned in the Bible are demons, therefore they must be the default explanation for any supernatural happenings that can’t be attributed to God. If God didn’t include it in the Bible, a lot of people believe that it doesn’t exist, and so treat supernatural powers or natural energies that aren’t currently understood by Christianity or by science as de facto demonic. This even includes a lot of natural energies that are understood by modern science but aren’t understood by the average layperson yet, such as the energetic basis of matter laid out in super-string theory and M field theory, which work together to explain quantum entanglement, non-local cause and effect–what Einstein called “spooky action at a distance.” Parapsychology, folks. The law of attraction, synchronicities, many of these things can be explained quite easily based on an understanding of the energies people put out into the world with their own bodies, and the matching frequencies they attract back to them. And that all sounds very New Age and pseudoscience (not that New Age doesn’t have a lot of things right anyway) but it actually is supported by cold hard science. Why this isn’t more mainstream by now baffles me, except for a sad understanding that most scientists don’t want to explore the connections between science and spirituality because of their own hangups.

Tarot card readers also work with a lot of pagan symbols from old indigenous nature-aligned wisdom traditions that were vilified by conquering political powers in a bid to oust the powerful priestly elite of old cultures around the world, from Roman times to who knows when–that’s always how it works in politics. So many symbols of metaphysical understanding of the world that were carried by old religions became vilified as indicators of Satanic darkness and black magic. Are there people who work with forces of darkness? Yes, undoubtedly. But I was learning that there was a lot of confusion and ignorance around who those people actually were. There were a lot of generalizations going on, a lot of harmful ignorance. Witch hunts and superstition. And all the Biblical references to divination and astrology that I had been taught were clear indicators of God’s disapproval of such practices all seemed to be saying other things. Every single one of those stories and references was making a point, but it wasn’t that divination or astrology were wrong. Unless you interpreted them in a very strange way. I couldn’t accept these assumptions, because this wasn’t just some extraneous thing that didn’t need to be explored because it was potentially dangerous. This was my life. This was my personality and my natural giftings, that kept intruding on my life whether I liked it or not. (You know when your REAL self keeps intruding on YOUR life? Yeah, I hate it when that happens, too. ;) ) It was torture not to be fully welcome in my family, among my friends, at work, and even within myself. It finally began to dawn on me that these people around me who didn’t accept me or fully see me were reflections of the battles that were going on inside myself. In short, I have been hiding my entire life, sometimes even from myself, because I thought I had to choose between being loved and being honest. Sound familiar? I’m coming out, in a way.

Music of Sacred Lakes Book Cover, free books, free, discount books, literary, supernatural, spiritual, magical realism, ghost storyBecause I was born seeing truths about people from looking at them, and accessing spiritual realms whether I asked for it or not, this led me on a journey, to really do my homework in this area and wrestle this out once and for all. The details of what I found are far too in-depth to discuss in one blog post, though I’m trying to lay out the basics for you. I know, most people reading this probably already understand these things. I grew up in a very strangely isolated religious culture. But even among the average people out in the world, many people would say leave it alone. It’s too much to unravel. There could be danger there. And that’s understandable if you’re not having these kinds of experiences that blast your ideas about time and space and reality to bits. But it’s kind of like figuring out if you’re gay, or finding out why you can see a color no one else seems to be able to see. If it seems to be a part of you somehow, you have to know what it’s about in order to sort out your worldview, and your view of yourself. So, I studied, and I looked for answers. I went to Christian revivals where I had life-altering encounters with God’s love and presence. I read hundreds, if not thousands, of books on all related topics. Comparative religion, mystery schools, metaphysics, theoretical physics’ understanding of the energetic basis of reality and how extrasensory abilities might work, shamanic traditions of the direct perception of nature (because animals and plants were talking to me–fun. I was either crazy in a family of already mentally ill people, or the world was a much richer place than I had been taught, and I didn’t know how to know for sure). I studied the Bible in light of many different people’s interpretations and worldviews, mystical traditions across the world, energy healing and alternative medicine of all kinds–because I was very sick in the meantime from a childhood full of stress and near-death experiences and needed answers for my own healing as well. This mattered to me on every level, and still I needed to know the truth, not just something that would placate my fears or make me feel less pain. I was afraid as a child that God was secretly angry at me, that He would hold me accountable for following His Rules for the universe, whether He explained them to me or not. No pressure. It was just my eternal soul on the line. Everyone around me assured me that God was Love, and then assured me without knowing it that I was by nature INVALID. Not acceptable, scary, crazy, deluded, extraneous, inconvenient, unlovable. Even though they didn’t know that was what they were saying to me, because I was hiding my full identity. I was only showing them the parts of myself they would accept. We all do this in some way, don’t we? And it’s not life-affirming at all. So in private I kept studying, and looking for answers. The right answers, if there were such things, not the ones that would make me feel good. Because I couldn’t feel good knowing I was being bad somehow, wrong, and headed for damnation.

I’m relieved and spilling over with joy to report that the God I encountered on this journey was the opposite of all that. He seemed to be more than a He, first of all, and I began to look into the ways that religion uses metaphor to code mythic truth into religious stories, because what we are talking about here is ineffable, numinous, indescribable truth about who God or the joyful imagination behind the world is and what the universe is and how it all Works. We need story to understand the nature of the universe and God, however unimaginably big and amazing He/She/It turns out to be. I began to connect storytelling and my inclination to understand everything as a story with my growing understanding of all things spiritual and metaphysical. And the result? I finally realized that the gift of prophecy and extrasensory abilities are the same gift, though they can be used in different ways just like any ability, and it is possible for people to interact with different kinds of spiritual entities through these gifts–all kinds. What I discovered was that God seemed to be much more capable AND loving than I had heard of before. The Bible began to make more sense on many levels, not less. Many of my friends walked away from organized religion long before this point, and that’s understandable too. Again–different experiences of the world. How can we judge each other so harshly? Why do I keep slipping back into anger and judging people so harshly? But because of everything I experienced, my faith deepened. God walked me through some indescribably hard times, and I always came out believing more in Him and myself. Every time. My understanding of the world was more coherent. I loved people more. I had mountain-top experiences of bliss, suddenly experiencing the connectedness of everything and everyone, suddenly seeing it all clearly. And then I would descend again, to address another layer of healing, another layer of false beliefs that had held me back. Another layer of judgments I had held against other people for hurting me and twisting me around. Another phase of discovering that what I thought I had been running toward had been running toward me, while I hid and tried to prove myself wrong. But in the end of every phase of growth there came a moment when I knew I had seen and experienced enough proof that the end of it all came down to my own ability to believe it was true. To believe it wasn’t too GOOD to be true.

I was coming home. To God AND to myself. I was raised not to trust my own perceptions, which is a pretty toxic thing when your perceptions are already out of the norm. But I had been given a gift of remarkable experiences of the world that most people only glimpse. So in the end, it came back to trust and faith. Not blind faith in ideas and having the right theology, which I discovered along the way was a rather easy to make but disturbingly sacreligious mistake, but an informed faith in GOD, and BECAUSE of my experience, that I believed I was interpreting in a reasonable way. Faith in myself as well as the universe and God’s plan for it all. So, I’m coming out as psychic. And still a Christian, though most more conservative sects would reject me for my mystical leanings. Call me progressive, emergent, mystical, prophetic, social justice and mercy. I don’t care anymore. I’m way past caring about labels here, and I understand why people use them, and I can’t hate them for labeling the world according to their experience that doesn’t match mine. I’m just running after God, only to discover every time that He’s running after me. It’s a love story with the heart behind the world, and I’m caught up in it. I believe life is a love story for us all, if we’re brave enough to reach out for it when it comes after us.

Being myself in public like this finally is a huge relief to me, even though it means stepping out of that last bit of people pleasing and that I will probably choose to walk away from more relationships over the controlling and disrespectful reaction I anticipate from revealing this. From well-meaning people I love and who love me. I suddenly understand with crystal clarity the pain experienced by my gay brothers and sisters who have done their very best to understand their own identity and experience of the world, and have been rejected by family and friends–only to go on to find a new family and new friends. I wish that hadn’t been my experience, I held on far too long hurting myself and others trying to make people understand me or refusing to be myself out of fear that they wouldn’t understand or accept me. But this is the way it is. And I have been through enough healing for the traumas in my life that I also can say I have a nice shiny gold star from a very good therapist telling me I AM NOT CRAZY. I am experiencing the end of the spectrum of life known as sensitivity. Extra-sensory perception. Telepathy. Clairvoyance, clairsentience, and clairaudience. Inter-dimensional spiritual reality. Yes, I know things about people they didn’t tell me. I can feel God’s love for people and animals and the earth. I can feel animals’ love for God. It’s overwhelming sometimes. No, I can’t read your mind, I won’t invade your privacy, and I don’t know everything. You know how you turn on the radio sometimes, and the words seem to be speaking to you? That’s all this is sometimes. Tarot cards not required. Everyone has experienced this kind of synchronicity hinting at loving guidance in some way, but for some reason my experience of life is built around it. I see visions of the future and hear angels’ voices inside my head, and they have all been leading me toward healing. And I’m not the only one. Boy is that a relief. I’m not alone. They call us Indigo Children, Highly Sensitive People, Empaths, Intuitives. Those of us who haven’t been too crippled by life have always been priests and shamans, as well as lovers and mothers and sons. We’re the psychics and animal communicators, the Snow Whites and Cinderellas of the world. The healers. And we all have a story like this. We all have trauma that led us to ourselves. In fact, some people have noted that a difficult childhood spent walking on eggshells often leads to heightened extrasensory perception in children. Psychic abilities have been called the silver lining of trauma. I wouldn’t trade this experience of the world for anything. I can even be grateful for the pain now, because it was an equally good teacher as the bliss.

In marketing they say every author and brand in publishing needs a USP, a unique selling proposition. What qualifies me to write stories of the overlap between the spiritual and natural worlds? I should say this qualifies. And as hard as it is to still have people in my life who don’t see, who don’t understand, and who in fairness couldn’t possibly think any differently than they do based on THEIR experience of the world, I’m not going to be pushed around and called invalid anymore. I know it must be a huge challenge to these people to be in relationship with me now, and the chips will fall wherever they fall as people are able to accommodate this truth or not. Every day I meet more people who DO understand, and it’s such a blessing to me. The world needs people like me, not because I’m any better than anyone else, but because I’m just as valid and because everyone needs to experience this kind of Divine connection and love. Everyone has these abilities, anyway, and it takes those of us who are high on the spectrum to show them how to access these realms of reality. How many people long to hear what God would say to them and just can’t get there because they aren’t tuned in to hear His voice? I can do that. I tell stories that bring heaven to earth, and bring people back into alignment with an understanding of their place of belonging in creation. Is that enough? To love people and encourage them the way I think God does? I think it is. And I think it’s high time I stopped being defensive with myself and other people and just stepped into being fully myself. So there it is. My final piece of the puzzle I’ve been hiding for 32 years. I’m prophetic and psychic, and it does matter, and it can’t be avoided, and it’s valuable, and it fits. I fit, and you fit, too. Everything in our experience fits, in fact, from pain to bliss. Even the things that shouldn’t ever happen to anyone can be redeemed into something beautiful, into a life story of love.

My fiction is clairvoyant, but I am also now beginning a YouTube channel where I offer a unique form of intuitive card reading–intuitive stories–based on universal story archetypes, dream symbolism, and intuitive connection with the Divine. Do you want to know what story you’re living out, and where you’re headed? Do you have a question for God or the universe about your life path? I can help you with that. I’m available now to encourage you and help you live the best story you can, that fits with your calling and your passion. My Laura Cowan YouTube channel will be a combination of personal videos on metaphysical and artistic topics I’m working with in my fiction and my free weekly Healing Path Oracle readings. Depending on interest and my schedule, I also plan to offer personalized readings, so I can connect with more people on a personal level. Thank you for reading this post, and God bless you on your path. Many blessings of love from me to you. May you find your way back to yourself, fully, so you can really live. God loves you the way you are. He made you that way. You fit, too, and your story is beautiful.

Pick Your Poison


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Pick Your Poison, fairytale anthology, humor, fiction, fantasyWow, normally I like to write about whatever’s noodling around in my head, like the metaphysical nature of… everything. But lately I’ve been busting out one anthology after another. Here’s the final for the year, as far as I know. Pick Your Poison: A Faery Tale Therapy Anthology, is an anthology of humorous or dark takes on what happens when your favorite fairy tale characters close the book on their stories… and end up in therapy. :) I’ve got a story in here called “Baba Yaga No More,” a suburban twist on the Russian myth of the house with chicken feet and its very nasty owner. You can get it in Kindle or paperback on Amazon, in time for Christmas ordering. Thanks for all your support! I’ve just finished writing a new book but changed my plans a bit. Four more books to write in quick succession, then I’ll get back to publishing the next two I have nearly ready for you early in 2015. I’ll be back soon with more info. Also I’ve got a new project in the works to create a more oral storytelling version of what was going to be my Modern Story Project this year. Be back soon with details. We’re traveling here and there and everywhere for the holidays. Blessings and be well!

Happy Halloween, Good Puritans ;)


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Sins of the Past, historical horror, horror anthology, supernatural horror, Good Puritan, Laura K. CowanHappy Halloween, everybody! In honor of the horrific holiday, I have a story out in a new historical horror anthology called Sins of the Past. My story is titled “Good Puritan,” a short story about possessed Puritans burning each other at the stake.

Religion plus supernatural horror. Go figure. ;) Go buy the book and rot your teeth, stat!

Purchase Sins of the Past


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